One of the stigmas of being brown skinned and from the subcontinent is often the association with arranged marriages. It is usually an enlivening dinner topic though having gone through several such discussions in my ripe 20's I had come to the conclusion that my youthful eagerness about my worldly marriage views were myopic at best. In perhaps a classic jaundiced view about how my brethren view this, I just assumed that teary Indian movies were actually elevating the awareness in what is sometimes a difficult process to get married. I assumed people were much smarter and got the message that while it is cool to be get an arranged one done, one needs to be tactful about it.
That was till I read the email below. Below are some excerpts from an email that a prospective father in law (senior scientist of some sort) wrote to a very close relative who is a prospective bride. Names have been changed but everything else is verbatim.
----------------------------------------------------------------XXX-----------------------------------------
Dear Sir / Madam ,
It has indeed been nice talking to you at some length . The abundant blessings seen on your family are a sequel to
your hard work and good christian living . 2) As a summation of my previous emails and pursuant to some points figured in our telecon today, I ask myself and answer below some hypothetical questions (imagined general
points).i) Is Dr Sanjeev Fair: Certainly Yes. Sanjeev is 5ft 8in . On a scale in which a black man is given 1 point and a European 10 points for colour , Dr Sanjeev gets 8.5+ points . If Shah Rukh Khan or Mohan Lal is given 10 points for their handsomeness, Dr Sanjeev also gets the same 10 points if not more.ii) Do we demand money: Certainly not ( However , what a bride may get as a customary practice is a blessing and is OK )
iii) Do we ask for Jewels: Again NO. But what a bride gets as a custom is OK.
iv) Do we insist on marriage to be conducted in Bangalore: No, mutual wish , convenience and tradition.
v) Has Dr Sanjeev been married earlier: Certainly NOT ( this is a ridiculous and idiotic question to ask myself and answer, but it is best done)
vi) Has he been engaged earlier: Certainly NOT
vii) Why is he interested in marrying only an Indian origin girl : He does not believe in American girls and American values. He thinks that American girls would want only his money, and latter in life, some day 10,20,30 years hence , a white wife could cause serious problems to him and his children .
ix) If every thing is no, What does Sanjay actually want : He wants only three things a) a very beautiful girl b) a fair girl and c) good christian upbringing [The girl should not have been married earlier ; Should not have been engaged to some one earlier; and should not have been in love with some one else earlier]. These 3 things are also very
true of him as well point - to - point.
2) You may think why I raise irrelevant questions and answer them myself . Such questions were very much in my mind , when Dr Johnny came in 1996 from US to marry my eldest daughter Dr Sheila. They were on her mind also. It is now 11 years and they are just fine in Dallas and get on very well . They are typically Indian and live around their
son . In fact all my five brothers families are very normal and exemplary and all children came up well , but Dr Sanjeev is the most brilliant and most prosperous person among all his cousins.
3) Denomination : We are CSI . But in my conviction all denominations are equal in the sight of God . But should
you have some point we could sort that out very amicably should it be a stumbling block . If you have any
other questions, please send an email and I will be glad to send a reply.
----------------------------------------------------------The End------------------------------------